You...

You make me anxious.

Anxious because you are opening up pieces of my heart.

You make me take the road less traveled and it scares me.

You bring me closer to intimacy in a relationship and i start shivering.

It sometimes feels like a game.

Like you are using words to force insecure emotions.

Words that i dearly want to believe, but my wall is up again.

I stand before you, naked.

Without anything to protect me.

You tell me you’ll catch me.

I can’t fall back, because what if you pull your arms away.

What if it is another game.

How will i ever live with the rejection.

I put my clothes back on carefully – one by one so that you won’t notice.

I take your hand and promise you that i will take the leap next time

But i know i won’t.

I can’t understand why you are determined to be close to me.

The emotions it awakes are wrong. It must be wrong.

You are not my mother.

You are not my brother.

You are not my family.

You are not my friend.

But it feels like you are all those things and more.

I can’t explain it.

I need you to have the same emotions i have, so i push you away.

Maybe you will realise that you do in fact miss and love me if i’m not there anymore.

Because how will i ever believe otherwise.